Mother’s Day is gone in Asheville NC. I now belong to a club in which Mother’s Day is gone from now on. I didn’t want to be in this club and hate my inclusion in its membership every single day of my life.
I would want to write here that every day my relationship with my Mother was flawless. I would want to say that I always took all the suggestions, helpful advice to heart and receiving it as I know it was delivered, with love and wisdom. That would not be factual. Many times I received the advice no matter how carefully couched it was with anger, resentment and on occasion- hostility.
Wasn’t I a lucky girl that my mother loved me enough to risk that response and try to help me anyway? My Mother was not a saint, likely yours isn’t either. She did not render perfect performance in every aspect of her parenting because though she was a Mother….She was also a person, not superwoman. She knew frustration, sadness, hopelessness, financial burdens in the raising of two children alone and they were her constant companion. With those as companions, I now know that she also was well acquainted with fear as she wondered every day how she was going to get through the next one. All this, as a very young woman herself likely feeling the oppression of all this responsibility as it zapped any remnants of vigor and youth despite her efforts to cling to them.
I was blessed to know my Mother as a woman as well as a Mom. This came at the end of our time together. I told her many times she was the bravest woman I knew. She always said, “Really? as though she was not special.
I will send those words out again today. I will send them to the universe wide with as much energy and faith as I am able to muster. I will scream them to the expanse of the sky my love, my loneliness for her and my eternal gratitude for the precious gifts she gave me; her love, her wisdom, her hard earned knowledge and her laughter.
I will move forward in the life she gave me trying to honor the gift of her time, energy, effort and love and I will remember it all. She is still the bravest person I know.